Sunday night preparations

I have rituals. I’ve never been sure whether this is part of my Asperger mind or a function of my OCD, or whether the OCD is also part of my Aspie way of thinking, or whether they are seperate but inform one another….and so we have an example of the complexity of trying to sort out Aspergers Syndrome from mental health issues. I’m going out on a limb here, and these are only my own thoughts but I don’t consider Aspergers as a mental health issue like depression, or OCD, maybe I should, but I don’t. It is also an example of how easy it is for an Aspie mind to get locked into a loop of trying to sort out what is going on in that mind. Maybe I shouldn’t try to sort it out, but there are different strategies for coping with Asperger characteristics and OCD characteristics so I really have to try to sort out what is affecting what in my head, I have to risk going into that loop, and sometimes I get locked in for a while, sometimes I can straighten things out, but it is always a risk.

I wonder sometimes if NT’s have these same issues? I don’t know how an NT mind works so I don’t know if they have these constant streams of consciousness type internal debates, conversations, arguments. I don’t know if they have the same sense of risk, of danger in exploring their own minds, the risks of getting locked in and shutting down? I don’t know if the questions would even make sense to an NT person.

Whatever the reason, I have my rituals that I follow, and if I can’t I get nervous, anxious, uncertain and that affects how I function, maybe for an hour, maybe for a week, so again there are risks. One of my rituals is to ensure that I have time for performing my other rituals. Is that a little recursive? I don’t know, I’m just trying to find ways to get through each day, and to try to be functional enough to be of use to the students I work with, and to try to make sense of the structured chaos that is my brain. That’s a big part of why I’m writing this blog I think. We’ll see how it goes….

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