Hiding in plain sight

Sometimes I don’t feel very friendly, very sociable. I am better than I was. I remember not speaking to anyone socially from the age of 12 to about 14, and that was…a difficult time. It tends to be more prevalent when I have a lot going on in my head, a lot of projects I need to focus on and I don’t have the neural runtime to process the inputs that socialising requires. I think it is because it doesn’t come naturally that causes this process but I’m not sure if socialising is natural as anthropologists suggest. I have read that humans are social animals but that doesn’t equate to the way NT’s seem to treat each other so I remain skeptical.

Anyway, the upshot of this requirement for solitude is the development of a coping strategy that seems to work. I have developed the ability to generate what I call my “Go away” field, and yes that is the polite name for it 🙂 Think of the way people describe personal space. Now think of the borders of that personal space being quite heavily fortified. It is kind of like that but it extends quite significantly and even in a relatively crowded room I can often find myself enough of a sanctuary that I remain largely undisturbed, relatively safe. I sometimes wonder if this is a healthy strategy or whether I should push myself harder to “fit in” better?

For now I think I’m pretty good at knowing my limits and that this strategy is appropriate, but it does raise the question of how my coping strategies affect those around me. Do they help me to integrate into a mainly NT world? Do they further the my of raising awareness of differences and thereby acceptance of neural diversity? Or do they simply hide my differences away from everyone else and make me appear “normal”? Should I even be asking these questions?

I guess this is one of the reasons for writing this blog in the first place? Somewhere I can explore my thoughts and try to make sense of a World that often doesn’t :s

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One thought on “Hiding in plain sight

  1. a neurotypical’s idea about privacy is living alone but having friends to visit from time to time, being in a relationship but one that doesnt suffocat.
    but all relationships seems suffocating to me, and i cant handle them. yes, humans are social animals, but social and caring are two different things. many so called nt “friends” will turn their backs on a friend in need, that’s not to say all of them would. just saying just because someone is social doesnt necessarily mean he’s caring, too. some peole hang around their friends not because they care about them, but simply because nts dont like to be alone, and some change friends the way some people change socks. they dont care if it’s this friend or another friends, as long as they’re not alone.

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